


Capture the Boyfriend with Stuff

by Pookaseraph



Series: CMUniverse [11]
Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Carnegie Mellon, Double Date, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Pittsburgh, Trolling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-04
Updated: 2012-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-28 20:57:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/312118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pookaseraph/pseuds/Pookaseraph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik knows Anya had a new boyfriend. Erik knows Tony has a new girlfriend. He really should have put these two pieces of information together sooner, especially when they have already shared a milkshake in front of him!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Capture the Boyfriend with Stuff

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from a CMU-designed game called [Capture the Flag with Stuff](http://www.ctfws.org), there is no good reason for this other than my CMU!Alpha read it and told me to name this chapter that.

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, Erik was finding himself frayed. Professors were piling on the work - of course - which meant more grading for TAs. His mother was working longer and longer hours at the deli or the shop, and Erik was the cooker of Thanksgiving dinner in addition to all of his other duties, so he was busy making sure that everything was delicious and kosher and appropriately stuffed and trussed and mashed. Or he would be, soon, instead he was curled up on Charles' bed while Charles prodded the last of his homework assignments and sent grades to the professor. The two of them were heading out to dinner with Tony in a few minutes, since they had plenty of time in the lab together, but less time to just hang out.

"And... done. Why don't you make sure Tony is ready while I get freshened up?"

Erik rolled out of bed and kissed Charles on the lips, before leaving him with a 'love you', and heading down the hall. Tony was only just around the corner from Charles, and as far as he knew the main reason they had separate rooms at all was because Tony was a bit of a slut and they would have needed to bunk the beds to leave Charles with enough room anyway. He knocked on Tony's door.

"Yeah!" Tony yelled from behind the door. Erik went in.

Tony was fiddling around on his laptop, in bed, with one of his various digital sketchpads that he seemed to use to do everything from designing microchips to drawing penis doodles. "Charles ready to go?"

Erik shook his head, and Tony went back to whatever it was he was doing. Erik took a moment to look around the room. He'd been here more than a few times, but if Tony was going to ignore him, he was going to snoop. Eventually his attention was drawn to some shiny metal parts, they almost looked like a microchip housing of some sort; it had two little lips and... it seemed they were actually interconnecting, as Tony had a few of them strung togeth...

He picked up the interlocked chain, ran his fingers over the silvery-but-not-quite surface. It was a _very_ familiar sight as of late, considering that Anya seemed incapable of taking off the aluminum charm bracelet from her new boyfriend... 'Mr. S'. A few of the individual links had designs on them, he recognized the Stark Industries swoosh-thing on one, a bird with an arrow in its claw he recognized from one of the many books that Anya seemed to have mysteriously been receiving despite only working a few hours a week in the store. He remembered the way the two of them ragged on each other when they were out at the Waterfront, stealing away from the group for long stretches of time.

Something that felt quite a bit like rage settled into his chest. "Aluminum?" He asked, picking up one of the individual pieces and holding it between thumb and forefinger. Tony's face said it all.

"... Yeah."

He put the link down. "AL."

Tony very carefully put his laptop and pad down and slid out of bed, standing in front of it now, looking cornered. "Yeah."

"You son of a bitch."

"I can explain!" His hands were up in an instant, defensive, palms out, placating and surrendering and it did not make Erik feel any better at all.

Erik saw red. "You can explain why you went behind my back to date _my sister_!?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Tony winced, shook his head, and danced farther away from Erik but it was a tiny dorm room and there really weren't many places he could go. "I mean... she's beautiful and brilliant and funny and she has this..." Tony's eyes went even wider and he tried to backpedal and only ended up running back into his own desk.

Erik wanted to beat the shit out of Tony, he really did. "You're supposed to be my _friend_ , Tony!"

"I am your friend! I'm just also... dating your sister."

Erik grabbed Tony's collar and dragged him out of the corner and just, really, really wanted to... He let Tony go took a step back, then another, before he landed heavily in one of Tony's chairs. Tony was leaning against his bed now, chest rising and falling very quickly as he panted. A moment later he checked his neck and his chest but continued to watch Erik like a hawk.

"You are a son of a bitch."

Tony took a deep breath and tugged on his shirt hem, puffing up his chest. "I'd appreciate if you left my mother out of this."

"Goddamn it, Tony, don't get cute with me."

"What the hell do you want me to say, Lehnsherr? Sorry your sister's hot? Sorry your sister's brilliant and sexy? Sorry your sister makes me feel---"

"If you finish that sentence I am going to kick your ass."

They stayed like that, possibly for several minutes, Erik wasn't certain, the two of them staring at each other, Tony obviously still frantic. Charles arrived, finally, pushed open the door. Erik moved to hold the door for him but Charles could tell the room was... tense. "What did I miss?"

"Tony's fucking my sister."

Charles' eyes went _very_ wide. "Tony?"

"What?! No! I'm... making out with your sister... and... heavy petting with your sister, I'm like... living like I'm fourteen again or something." Tony suddenly seemed to realize what an idiotic thing to say that was, and clapped his hands over his mouth. "Shit."

Tony was very, very lucky that Charles was in the room, because he wrapped a hand around Erik's wrist before he got the chance to get too close to beating Tony within an inch of his life. "Erik, please go to my room."

"You _cannot_ be taking his side on this, Charles!"

"This is not about _sides_. Please calm yourself."

Erik stalked out of Tony's room and seriously considered just going home and... God, Anya would be at home and... oh he just couldn't deal with that right now. The idea of seeing his sister right now, of yelling at her spectacularly, was the only reason he did as Charles said and headed back to the other man's room, sat on Charles' bed, and sulked.

Charles returned only a few minutes later.

"Charles, he--" Charles held up his hand. "You can't--" Charles somehow silenced him with a look, and Erik went back to silently sulking.

Charles came over to the bed and patted his lap. Erik glowered and didn’t accept the invitation. "Fine." Charles held up his hands in defeat. "I know you're upset, Erik."

"Upset?!" That was the understatement of the year. "Betrayed, Charles. Tony's been sneaking around behind... behind _both_ of our backs, dating my baby sister and... God knows what else."

Charles didn't say anything, obviously mulling it over. "Tony assures me there has been no 'god knows what else' involved."

"And you just believe him?"

"Yes, I do. Tony would not lie to me."

"Of course he'd lie to you! I'm going to kill him and bury him in a ditch if he hurt Anya."

"Erik!" Charles' jaw was set, looking thunderous. "He is my best friend, my _brother_."

Erik deflated, heart still hammering in his chest. "She's my _baby sister_ , Charles."

"I know." Charles shook his head, took a deep breath. "What's a guy to think? Guy comes out of nowhere, dating your baby sibling, he's three years older, that's like... a lifetime when you're our age."

"Yes." Erik jutted his jaw out, sulky.

Charles arched an eyebrow at Erik, and then pointed between the two of them.

"That's entirely different!"

It was obvious Charles didn't think so, but he patted his lap again anyway and Erik slid down off the bed and then into Charles' lap; arms wrapped around Erik's waist and Erik leaned against Charles. "Yes, I know, Tony comes off a bit of a slag... and, yeah... he's _been_ a bit of a slag, but believe me, he's not been himself lately on that front. He's funny, friendly, enjoying himself, yes, but he's certainly not been dating around anywhere I've noticed."

"You didn't know he was dating Anya."

"I knew he was dating _someone_. I'm not an idiot. He tells me he thinks he's serious about a girl and then I don't hear word one about him having relations with her, or anyone else, I don't hear about any dates, any relationship milestones, but that, my love, is pretty unusual for Mr. Stark." Charles tilted his head up and kissed Erik's jaw. "But it doesn't matter what I think."

"Ha!"

" _And_ it doesn't matter what you think."

Erik glowered. "I don't care what Tony thinks, either."

"There is exactly one person in the universe who is allowed to decide who is the appropriate person for Anya Lehnsherr to be dating." Charles fingers rubbed little circles in his back.

"Me."

"Anya Lehnsherr," Charles corrected. "You were fine with her dating in general. Or... well... as fine as you're truly able to be. What's so different about finding you actually know the young man?"

"He's... _behind my back_, Charles."

Charles' fingers massaged little circles into his stomach that would have been erotic if Erik wasn't feeling so desperately sick to his stomach. "Not without good reason, it would seem."

Erik glowered at him. "He's been... sucking up to me! Trying to lull me into a false sense of security!"

"And you haven't been attempting to win Tony over at all?"

"No," he said, mulish. "Fine, yes. He's a huge part of your life, I couldn't exactly ignore him."

"Nor would I be able to love you quite as much as I do if you were forcing me to choose between loving you and loving Tony." The lazy circles on his stomach were starting to feel a bit more comforting, finally. Barely. "You can't murder him, and you certainly can't follow them both at all times. Are you really going to try to forbid this?"

Erik sat there for a long time, jaw clenched, trying to ignore the way Charles touching him made him feel warm and fuzzy and happy. This was obviously Tony's devious plan all along. If he murdered Tony he would have to give up Charles... and Charles would probably hate him forever. "I thought..." Erik shook his head. "She's started talking about the future more. I don't mean... marriage and kids, I mean... college and a job. That wasn't what I grew up expecting for her."

He thought that might upset Charles, hearing Erik say it so bluntly, but Charles just nodded.

"I've been underestimating my own sister for years."

"And now?"

"I still don't want her dating Tony."

Charles laughed. Kissed him on the cheek, and then hugged him. "Oh, Erik."

"You said it yourself! He's a... I don't even know what a slag is, but I'm going to assume it means slut."

"Yes, Tony is... a man who has put a great deal of energy into the sexual."

Erik gawked at him. Charles was the least comforting best friend ever.

"What, would you prefer she not be with a man who puts a lot of stock in sex being something two people do to enjoy each other's company? She could be dating some selfish bastard who doesn't care."

"Charles, I really don't want to think about my sister enjoying sex, with anyone, least of all Tony."

"Would you rather think about her not enjoying sex?"

Erik stopped, again, blinking at Charles. Well he really didn't want this to be about Anya having sex at all, but... that really did put a pretty fine point on it, didn't it? "But Tony?!"

"Hey, at least you know where he lives, and you know he's beholden to you as your boyfriend's brother as well. I promise you, I will kick his ass just as hard as you would if he fucks this up. I have my ways."

"You probably just look at him like a sad and disappointed puppy dog until he cries about how sorry he is."

"... Yes, those are roughly my ways. It's surprisingly effective."

Erik laughed, even though he couldn't quite find it funny. Anya's boyfriend had all been very theoretical until an hour ago. "Charles!" He couldn't help but whine.

Charles just laughed, again, and hugged him, again. "What do you expect me to do, Darling?"

Erik was temporarily distracted by the endearment, before he frowned again. "Will you at least shake your head at Tony disapprovingly a bit?"

"No promises." He squeezed Erik's waist again. "Come on, we should at least let Tony know you are not going to murder him."

"I haven't decided yet!"

"Erik!" It wasn't a harsh tone, but it was enough to snap Erik out of the worst of his funk.

"Fine, I'll go tell him I'm not going to murder him, yet."

"Good enough."

"Can we make out a little first?"

Charles didn't bother with a verbal response, instead dragging him down, the two of them kissing, long and slow, Erik settling in to straddle Charles and the two of them stayed like that long enough for Erik to get calmed down - or really wound up in an entirely different direction - before they broke apart.

"Alright?"

Erik nodded. "I can't help but think it was Tony's plan to get you to make out with me to make me not kill him."

"He is a genius."

The two of them finally made their way over to Tony's room again, and this time when he knocked on the door it was yanked open and he came face to face with a very irritated redhead. Anya did not look pleased.

Erik - woefully - said the first thing that came to his mind. "You're hiding behind a girl?"

Anya's nostrils flared. "No, he's hiding behind _his_ girl." The declaration caused Erik physical pain. "Or, his girl is protecting her boy!"

"Man," Tony corrected.

"Boy," Anya shot back.

Tony pouted. "You see what I have to deal with?"

Erik wasn't certain why his sister wouldn't rag on Tony endlessly, and for a very brief moment he almost felt sorry for him.

"So. I'm going to go yell at my brother, now." She made a shooing gesture and Tony left again, taking Charles with him.

Anya took him by the wrists and sat him down on a chair and looked at him, bright blue eyes staring right into his. Erik hugged her. "I'm sorry I'm having a hard time with this, Liebling."

She hugged him back. "Wow... Tony said Charles was magic and would keep him from getting killed, but I didn't really believe him."

"Yeah... Charles is pretty magic." He sighed, and broke their hug. "Really? Tony?"

Anya answered with a frustrated growl, but the affection she mussed up his hair with belied it. "He's... the first boy who looked at me and... _wanted_ me."

That was more than Erik ever needed to know about his sister's sex life, it really was.

"It's just everyone else sees your little sister, or Wanda and Pietro and Lorna's big sister, or... maybe if I'm _lucky_ they see their future Jewish housewife. And I love our family... but you can't tell me you don't sometimes..." She bit her lip, looking awkward, and a little ashamed.

"You don't want your family to be all you are, you want a piece just for Anya." God he was an idiot. He remembered feeling that way, desperately, that was why he worked so hard in college when he'd been only above average at best when he was in high school. That was why having Charles was such a freeing experience, even his back-stabbing-BFF was a part of having a life separate from fixing the roof or caring for the children.

"Yes." She sagged in relief. "Sometimes you seem so happy to just be our big brother, but... sometimes I see you and I know you're somewhere else."

"Yeah. Still. Tony?"

This time she just prodded him in the side. "He's the world's best boyfriend, really."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"Do you _really_ want to see it?"

Visions of watching his sister and Tony, wrapped around each other, making out, flashed before his eyes and he really wasn't certain he wanted that at all. "Ug."

"Come on, you and Charles and Tony are going out now."

"You should come." It would be double date, even, although the idea distressed him.

She smiled. "Only if Charles doesn't mind."

"He won't, being very understanding is his super power."

Charles didn't mind, of course, and the four of them headed down to Craig Street, and he watched Anya effortlessly thread her arm around Tony's waist where they walked just in front of Charles. Tony wrapped his arm around her shoulder just a moment later.

"Did your tracking algorithm work?" She asked.

"Perfectly."

"Liar."

"Ok, it didn't work particularly well, we're still working on some of the corner cases. If it was easy to make robots process visual data everyone would be doing it."

Anya was silent for a moment. "Robots can't just throw out extraneous visual data like humans do."

"Actually, it's more that we throw out uninteresting data, which, unfortunately, is not necessarily all extraneous. So we're stuck processing everything, which, surprisingly enough, takes time, more time than it takes for your robot to run over something it wasn't supposed to hit." Tony sighed.

Erik frowned. "You talk to her about your research?"

Anya blew a raspberry at him. "No, we just write poems to each other about our eyes and mouths and things. Of course we do!"

Tony kissed her temple. "Don't heckle your brother too badly, Anya." Erik arched an eyebrow. "It's much better if you save it up for one very deliberate cheap shot."

They had to wait for a table that Charles could sit at when they got to the restaurant, but soon after that Tony and Anya were near-plastered to each other's side while he and Charles sat just far enough away for respectability, hands linked under the table. The one thing he liked about the usual Charles-Tony-and-him outings was that he could be more overt with his affection, but with Anya there he didn't dare.

"So, how long have you two been dating?"

"September 23rd," Anya answered immediately.

Charles snorted his drink. Tony did his best to look _completely innocent_. Erik realized - belatedly - that he had known this, he remembered Tony's panicked late night visit to Charles' room the same night he and Charles had decided to date, and... the next day Talk. "Tony, you are a remarkable actor."

"I'm actually pretty shitty at it, now that I think about it..."

"So," Charles cut the tension. "A little under two months."

Tony looked... _fond_ , there was no other word for it. "Yeah, next week." Anya leaned in and pecked him on the cheek.

"Doing anything special?"

Anya shook her head. "It's the day before Thanksgiving so I have to help Erik with all the prep work and things."

He saw himself in her just then, all the times he'd put aside what he wanted because his mother and the family needed him and... "Liebling, if you want to..."

"No," she answered, immediately. "We're just going to the movies on Friday or Saturday."

Tony didn't even look offended, just shrugged and squeezed her hand.

Their waiter came and went, taking drink orders, and then returning again to take food orders. Anya ordered a burger.

Tony nudged her side. "Oh, right. No lettuce, no pickles, no mayo."

The waiter left with the rest of their orders.

"You know," Anya said. "No pickles, because I'm not pregnant."

Tony snickered and held out his hand. Anya high-fived him and Erik was trying to decide if he deserved this abuse or not.


End file.
